Dunboyne’s unbeaten home record came crashing down on a glorious evening in Kepak Park as St Pats Stamullen, arriving with an unbeaten record of their own, snuck away with a four-point win.

With team bainisteoir Brendan Cregan off on a personal pilgrimage to “reconnect with his inner culchie” ahead of Limerick’s Munster Championship campaign, responsibility fell to Paul ‘Gunner’ Brady. Gunner patrolled the sideline like a man who’d just been told he had one game to save his job at Manchester United—arms folded, jaw set, and the occasional look to the heavens for divine intervention.

Pats started like a team who knew what they were doing, knocking over a couple early scores before Liam Callanan got Dunboyne on the board, finishing off a cross-field missile from Alan Waters. Liam Davis in goals then decided to turn into a combination of a brick wall and divine intervention, pulled off a save around the 10 minute mark that had no business being saved. The corner forward is still wondering how it didn’t go in.

Waters, clearly feeling inspired at this stage, popped over a point from roughly 90 yards (give or take 40 yards, depending on who you ask), following a free from Neil “Hack” Hackett and some good work from Cian Rohan. Callanan added another to level things before the game descended into what can only be described as “junior hurling at its absolute finest.” Harry Healy hits a shot. Or a pass. Or clears his lines. Hard to say. Ball ends up in the net. He’s claiming it. His family are claiming it. Callanan followed with a savage solo goal, and suddenly Dunboyne looked like world beaters. Paul Graves chipped in with a point to close the half, but despite all that, Dunboyne somehow went in trailing: 2:05 to 1:09

If the halftime talk from Gunner was meant to inspire, it had the opposite effect, because Pats came out like men possessed, rattling off 1:02 in five minutes and leaving Dunboyne looking like they were still tying their boots. Callanan stopped the bleeding with a point before Graves buried a third Dunboyne goal and briefly restored hope among the faithful (all six of them).

From there, however, scores dried up for the home side, rarer than a Ryder Cup ticket, while Pats kept things ticking over nicely, like a team that had done this before. The Hack knocked over a free after Conor ‘Salmon’ Gilmartin was sent airborne, but Pats always had an answer. Their third goal on 27 minutes was the final nail in the coffin… lid closed, shovel thrown on top. Graves smashed home a late free to give the scoreboard a bit of respectability, but it was a case of too little, too late.

Final Score: Dunboyne 4:07 (Gp, 2f) St Pats Stamullen 3:14 (7f)

Team: Liam Davis; Daragh Callanan; Simon O’Keefe; Oisín O’Dwyer; Cian Rohan; Alan Waters (0:01); Danny Kane; Rory Callanan; Gerry Murphy; Liam Callanan (1:03); Harry Healy (1:00); Ben Madigan; Cillian Murphy; Neil Hackett (0:02f); Timmy O’Connor

Subs (all used): Paul Graves (2:01, 1 pen); Conor O’Shea; Ciarán McKay; Conor Gilmartin; Tommy Leonard; Joe Cregan; Stephen Kiely

Report by Eamon Murphy